Facing my Shadow

 

I sat Zazen this morning facing the wall with my back to the window.     As the sun beamed into the room my outline was traced on the wall before me. . .

flying

I’ve been thinking a lot about my bodhisattva vows lately. Imagining ending the suffering of all beings is a powerful practice.

I was flying home from Kansas City a few weeks ago and was getting a bit agitated from thoughts of my plane’s engine failing. My attachment to my body was rearing its strength. It wasn’t until the last quarter of my flight that I began wishing for the wellbeing of all. This was a powerful antidote to my selfish worries.

I have been quite agitated in general lately due to the usual problems of life. Wishing the wellness of seems to be helping quite a bit.

Meditation is not the problem

Really. Its not a problem to solve or something to figure out.

By sitting it’ll work itself out, by not sitting we are wasting our precious time. Human birth is a rare and special thing, that I hope not to squander.

I think I may have figured this out. . .

I want to improve my meditation practice. Well, I think I may have stumbled onto the big secret of sitting practice.

You just gotta sit, get on the cushion and do it. Don’t think about it, don’t do anything but sit twice a day if possible.

Zen practitioners have a great point about Zazen – - SIT!!! That’s all we really need to know about perfecting our meditation practice. The sitting will teach the rest.

Ambition

Hello sitters.
Sorry for my extended silence. Graduate school, full time work and life have crowded out any energy or inspiration for blogging. Fortunately, life has again returned to a nice stroll.

My sits keep sitting although my brain has been bubbling with ambition and dreams. I responded by tightening my practice by closing my eyes (the Shambhala tradition meditates with eyes open) and strictly following my breath. I am amazed at the mental storms that can happen in meditation. So much noise and agitation arise every so often. I suppose this is karma rising up for me to release.

Fully Present on A Saturday Morning

Towards the end of my meditation session on Saturday at the Shambhala Center, I had a very real experience where I felt 100% present in the moment.  Unlike other experiences, this one lasted for several minutes.  My body felt very heavy, very grounded in my seat.  I very much felt my connection with the earth.  I became VERY aware of all that was around me without attaching anything to it.  I felt like I was just suspended in space and time…just fully present.  It was almost as if I was in the environment, but not participating in the environment.  I was using a technique where your breath anchors you, but your awareness is on your environment.  You notice your surroundings (sights, smell, physical sensations, sounds, etc.), but still treat them with a ‘touch and go’.

Of course as soon as I realized this I noticed that I was not longer really ‘meditating’, but rather analyzing the situation.  Fortunately I was able to get right back into this state for the remainder of the session.  Too bad 10am rolled around and it was time for me to hit the bell to end the session.  This is definitely the deepest I have gotten into samadhi that I know of.  It may not happen again for a while, but I fell very fortunate to have even experienced this at least once for a short period of time.

Basic Goodness at the Cumberland Gap

Last Sunday myself, my mother, and my wife went to the Cumberland Gap on a day trip. There is a place called the Pinnacle Overlook up on a mountain that lets you see three states.

I’ve been here many times and have my breath taken away everytime I go. However, this time as I was looking for what appeared to be at least 20 miles in every direction, I got this sudden flash of openness and the truth of the basic goodness in all beings became very real to me. It only lasted for a second – which is probably a good thing because I would have somehow attached to it. I UNDERSTAND the teachings of basic goodness, buddhanature, etc., but this was the first time I actually EXPERIENCED it.

My main thought that keeps coming up is: “Now if only I can see basic goodness in my daily life without having to ‘escape’ to the mountains!”.

Cultivating a Meditation Practice

 

I have been debating on what technique I should use to develop my meditation practice.  I am interested in becoming more dillagent and disciplined in my practice and letting sitting become a larger part of my life.   I know that meditation is what is lacking in my practice

I don’t believe that setting rigid goals or guidelines is what is going to be able to allow me to thrive on the cushion.  However, the lax approach I am currently taking has become unacceptable to me.

I wish to set the intention to sit twice daily.   Once in the morning and once in the evening.   I won’t force myself to a specific amount of time.  I’d rather allow myself some flexability and let the meditation follow its own course.

After a week of applying this approach, I will reassess and adjust as necessary.

Waves of practice

Sometimes it seems like there is so much time to practice, and then suddenly you can’t find time to sit.  It puts you in a situation where meditation in action is all that you have.  Bringing the mind home during work is a challenge.  Yesterday I was teaching a group of people and right in the middle of the whole thing I realized how completely gone my mind was. dot. I stopped and was a little embarassed, but no one in the class noticed my little mental hiccup. I often have to travel from my office to the other end of the building which is about a 250 yard walk.  I like to use this time to do a little walking yoga to get back into my body. This is the way my practice has been the last couple of weeks and it can be pretty joyful.

I Will Sit Tonight

I have been doing a rather poor job of sticking to the meditation program.

I will however be sitting tonight, gonna fight the good fight and not beat myself up over my lack of discipline.  I am making some other huge changes right now and am happy with my practice.   But, I know I can do better.

For starters, I will sit tonight.   We’ll let the other moments take care of themselves.