guilt?

I’ve thinking a lot about my Bodhisattva vows lately.  It really makes me question whether or not I could be doing more to help others.  The intention to help others is the backbone of my practice. It keeps me motivated and energized to practice as deeply as I can.  Yet, I still feel like I could give more.  I wonder is this guilt or is this an example of the paramita of energy/motivation?

There are so many  stories of sages chopping their arms off and licking maggot infested dogs.  And yet I am killing of the ants in my kitchen and scheming to depopulate the mosquitoes in my backyard.

Facing my Shadow

 

I sat Zazen this morning facing the wall with my back to the window.     As the sun beamed into the room my outline was traced on the wall before me. . .

flying

I’ve been thinking a lot about my bodhisattva vows lately. Imagining ending the suffering of all beings is a powerful practice.

I was flying home from Kansas City a few weeks ago and was getting a bit agitated from thoughts of my plane’s engine failing. My attachment to my body was rearing its strength. It wasn’t until the last quarter of my flight that I began wishing for the wellbeing of all. This was a powerful antidote to my selfish worries.

I have been quite agitated in general lately due to the usual problems of life. Wishing the wellness of seems to be helping quite a bit.

I think I may have figured this out. . .

I want to improve my meditation practice. Well, I think I may have stumbled onto the big secret of sitting practice.

You just gotta sit, get on the cushion and do it. Don’t think about it, don’t do anything but sit twice a day if possible.

Zen practitioners have a great point about Zazen – - SIT!!! That’s all we really need to know about perfecting our meditation practice. The sitting will teach the rest.

Cultivating a Meditation Practice

 

I have been debating on what technique I should use to develop my meditation practice.  I am interested in becoming more dillagent and disciplined in my practice and letting sitting become a larger part of my life.   I know that meditation is what is lacking in my practice

I don’t believe that setting rigid goals or guidelines is what is going to be able to allow me to thrive on the cushion.  However, the lax approach I am currently taking has become unacceptable to me.

I wish to set the intention to sit twice daily.   Once in the morning and once in the evening.   I won’t force myself to a specific amount of time.  I’d rather allow myself some flexability and let the meditation follow its own course.

After a week of applying this approach, I will reassess and adjust as necessary.

I Will Sit Tonight

I have been doing a rather poor job of sticking to the meditation program.

I will however be sitting tonight, gonna fight the good fight and not beat myself up over my lack of discipline.  I am making some other huge changes right now and am happy with my practice.   But, I know I can do better.

For starters, I will sit tonight.   We’ll let the other moments take care of themselves.

curious

Another mysterious day. I often think of meditation as the act of inducing curiosity. A good day is one spent curious.

10 pm Renunciation

I sat last night prior to going to bed.

I had decided to sit for thirty minutes setting an intention to work through the difficulty and keep my mind centered on renunciation. No thoughts of expectations, not giving any care to the time or other things going on in my head.

I don’t count my breath. Instead I use the Buddho mantra to focus my concentration. Saying “Bud” to myself with the in-breath and “dho” at the out breath.

I struggled at first. Fidgeting with my posture, unable to focus.

After a few minutes I managed to settle down into my mantra and placed my awareness at the tip of my noise with a relaxed gaze. At this point I was able to enter into samadhi. The rest of the time passed with such ease that I never gave thought to the buzzer until I heard it ringing.

Moral of the Story – Hard work pays off on the cushion. Just work through the hard times and eventually through effort things will improve, don’t focus on results. Instead focus on renunciation, it is its own reward.

ask

I found myself awake at 5am this morning. This gave me some time for a longer sit. My mind was pretty agitated so I asked for help. This always works, it is as if wisdom, bodhisattvas or God jumps right in and helps me generate compassion and calm.

This reminded me of the Pure Land buddhists who believe everyone is heading to the pure land regardless of their karma. They chant Namo Amita Bhutu and receive instantaneous help.

I have not been very good about making the time to sit.

If I cannot make the time for practice now, when will I make the time?

Practice is not about waiting for the perfect opportunity. I need to take the opportunity of the present and make the most of it.

Headed to the cushion now.

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Here is an interesting article about the meditation technique I am working on.