guilt?

I’ve thinking a lot about my Bodhisattva vows lately.  It really makes me question whether or not I could be doing more to help others.  The intention to help others is the backbone of my practice. It keeps me motivated and energized to practice as deeply as I can.  Yet, I still feel like I could give more.  I wonder is this guilt or is this an example of the paramita of energy/motivation?

There are so many  stories of sages chopping their arms off and licking maggot infested dogs.  And yet I am killing of the ants in my kitchen and scheming to depopulate the mosquitoes in my backyard.

Birth of Discursive Thought

When a thought comes up during practice, what inspires it?

I know that passion and agression seem to be two causes.  “This meditation is so peaceful” and “that lwanmower is so loud, I can’t practice with this going on”.  I also notice my mind wandering into the future and into the past.  These thoughts may be linked to hope and regret, but I’m not sure that is always the case.  I was hoping we could have a discussion.

Experiences we could live without

I experienced a great tragedy in my family this week.  My seventeen year old cousin, Marinda,  was killed in a car accident on the 25th.  It makes you think of all kinds of stuff to put it off on, Karma, God, destiny whatever you can blame it on to make it easier to deal with all the pain that is tearing at your tender spot.  I was just thinking about precious human birth last week.  This week the second reminder came crashing in, death.  I think the contemplation goes:

But death is real,
Comes without warning.
This body
Will be a corpse.

Pretty heavy, especially in a society that tries really hard to hide sickness and dying.  Interestingly enough the heart sutra came to the rescue, sorta.  The commentary that I was reading placed particular emphasis on interbeing.  Interbeing principle says that this body is full of water which was once a cloud which was once a river and so on.  The body was sustained by vegatables that were furtilized by clouds, dead plants, and even dead people.  According to the Heart Sutra, in this way all things are sustained by every other thing even the death of someone so young and beautiful.  Was Marinda lost then?  It really feels like it, but maybe she was a cloud once, a girl once, and will be a flower soon.  The wheel continues to turn, let us be mindful.